old times

why cant i stop remembering the old times why do they seem so much better than these current times? i have been sober for about 5 weeks and still things feel just as bad . i know my partner doesn't want to be with me everything is forced. why cant i move on and forget . 7 years isn't really that long why cant i accept that the good times are over? why cant i just give up on this thing i call marriage? why do i think things can get better with hard work and living a sober life ? why o why cant i just up and leave my family ? I'm sure its the best thing for everybody but me am i that selfish that i don't care what these people in my house go through because i chose to stay? why o why cant i forget the old times and move on towards whatever my future holds for me?

wish i knew

wish i knew what was going on around here or in my life in general.things seems okay i guess but somethings just aren't right. wish i knew what i could do to make things better. wish i knew what my wife needed from me before o messed up everything i did. wish i knew how to fix the things i did mess up. wish i knew how to move on in life instead of holding onto a life i need to let go.its been a month since i smoked or drank and things still seem like it doesn't matter any more .wish i knew what i can do if anything to start the healing process here. wish i knew what else i could do to change anything here at home. wish i knew where i stood at in all of this mess i call life. if only i was better than i am if only i could be more or at least be what they need me to be. i wish i knew how to be what my wife wants in a man. i wish i knew how to please her in any way possible. i wish i could bring a smile to her face again like i think i have in the past. i wish i knew how to make her happy with me and our little family. wish i knew what i could do to make things right again so we could be friends again . wish i knew how to let go of control and how to trust and be trusted .wish i knew what to do with our situation now . now i know what she must of felt when i thought i wanted to. wish i knew how to change and be a better man. wish i knew how to work like a man. wish i knew i was still loved like i used to be.